I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
