i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
I just gift wrapped bread.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
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