I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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