I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
