So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
