you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Randomize
