I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
