I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
FUCK WHALES
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
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