And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Randomize
