i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Randomize
