I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
