We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Randomize
