I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
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