..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
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