i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
True strength comes from lack of pants
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
