My hand turned me down
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
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