I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
