i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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