he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Randomize
