Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Randomize
