If you're really into hairy Serbian chicks, Cleveland has a lot to offer(216): We're going to cougar night, the serbian chicks are the best aged.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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