I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Randomize
