I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
