people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
he puts the penis in happiness.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
25 People Confess The Biggest Betrayal They Have Ever Faced
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
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I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.