You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Randomize
