Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
