I need help removing her.
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
