You really coming over, don't trick.
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
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