All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
