he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
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