Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Randomize