I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Randomize
