WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
