It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
He had one of those small greek statue penises
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
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