Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
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