this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
All the doctor said was why
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
