its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Randomize
