dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize
