Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Randomize
