420 ftw
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Randomize
