I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
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