I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
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The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
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In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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