Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
