My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
