I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Randomize
