Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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