I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
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