Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
BRING THE BAGELS
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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