if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
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