I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Randomize
