why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
