Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
