just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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