I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Randomize
