Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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