Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
