Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
