At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
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