My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Randomize
