I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Randomize
