I think I just saw someone hide a body.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
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