You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
